My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
