I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
