you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
