Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
being pregnant is like rehab
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
