At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pants 0. Shit 1.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
