I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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