No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
