if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
