He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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