it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
