glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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