I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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