I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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