She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
