Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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