Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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