anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This baby is an asshole
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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