Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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