She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
