I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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