I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
