Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
