I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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