I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
