How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
