If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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