just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
