Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
and you fell through a lawn chair
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
