Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
