my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
