Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
