if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
