I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
