Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
