I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
