she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
