God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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