do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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