OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
