he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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