i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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