Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
