If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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