my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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