do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
