Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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