I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love you. Go after that dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
