No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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