ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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