you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
