I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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