Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
